Ethical Non-Monogamy in Science Fiction

Warning: sexual content.

The core of science fiction is to scrutinize modern questions in post-modern scenarios. Therefore, the SF genre has been, by design, in the vanguard of society, examining unorthodox ideas in a context that reflects an author’s cultural background.

Plenty has been said about the exploration of sexuality and unconventional relationships in science fiction. Ursula K. Le Guin, for example, is often mentioned as one of the leading authors diving into discussions on sexuality and gender already back in the 1960s and 1970s, when these issues were somewhat of a taboo to address.

Sex and love and affection are the core of humanity; thus, it comes as no surprise that our society has developed certain traditions around those. Monogamy has been a staple in different human cultures for the longest time. It is the basis of the traditional marital arrangements and embedded in several religious beliefs. And, as it happens, sci-fi authors have pushed the boundaries of this cultural custom to present a future when human society is no longer bound to accept only one single relationship arrangement. 

Let’s discuss ethical non-monogamy in science fiction.

Definition

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term that covers a wide range of multi-partner relationships. It includes, among other arrangements, swing, polyamorous, and open relationships.

The focus today will be on ethical non-monogamy, that is, the cases in which every partner involved is aware of the arrangement and consent to it. We can already exclude Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep here. Deckard and Rachel’s fling is outside of his marriage.

Talking about non-monogamy in a monogamous culture can be quite tricky. Reactions and opinions range from complete outrage to naïve suspicion. The most common stereotype associated with it is to assume that non-monogamous persons are perverts. It does not help that many cannot disassociate non-monogamy with cheating. There is this natural resistance to the concept.

That’s why I feel the need to issue a disclaimer. Whenever people are introduced to a new way of life, one instinctive reaction is to assume others are trying to impose this new lifestyle on them. That’s absolutely not the case here. In fact, non-monogamy requires a mentality that does not suit everyone. Nor should it. It is not some superior way to have romantic/sexual relations. Although, it is not inferior or corrupt either.

As I mentioned before, there are plenty of different multi-partners arrangements. So even non-monogamous people have their own style of getting involved with others. Not everyone is polyamorous. Not everyone is in it for sex.

To try to ease the preconceptions listed above, let me briefly explain the difference between the most common versions of swing, polyamorous, and open relationships.

Swing is an agreement between couples to exchange sexual partners. The couple stays committed to their relationship, but they are open to experimenting sexually with other partners, together or in parallel. People can try it once and never again; try it with different couples each time; or keep a faithful agreement to one single friendly couple. This is usually not considered to be a romantic four-way relationship. It’s all about sexual connection.

An open relationship is one with a clear hierarchy in the couple’s dynamics. The two partners are each other’s priority, but each of them individually can have connections (usually sexual, but it could be romantic) outside of this dynamic. The rules for casual partners can be adjusted to the couple’s needs—there is no right or wrong; it truly depends on the couple’s personality and what they want out of the experience.

Polyamory is, as the name suggests, a romantic relationship between more than two people. The dynamics of the relationship varies, and not everyone in the arrangement needs to be romantically involved with everyone. I believe that, socially, this is probably the most controversial case, because many cannot accept it as a real possibility. There is this idea that loving a person is sharing their whole selves with the other, so it can be hard to imagine sharing one heart with two or more people. But it is possible for those who understand loving as caring, not necessarily sharing. A heart full of love is capable of caring for as many people as they can manage without hurting them. It’s a beautiful blessing.

(Do not mistake it for polygamy, a relationship system strictly tied to religious or legal rules. Polyamory is based on consent rather than any kind of statutory decision.)

Naturally, a portrayal of a non-monogamous relationship forty years ago is very different from a more modern depiction. So, let's talk about non-monogamy then and now.

Non-monogamy then and now

Looking around on the internet to see what has been covered already about this topic, I’ve seen many citing Robert Heinlein as an exponent for polyamory representation in science fiction. It seems that two of his most well-known novels, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and Stranger in a Strange Land, present a society more accepting of polyamory. I’ve read some accounts of people citing Heinlein’s books as their first contact with the concept. Although, I haven’t read any of them.

Of course, Heinlein was not the only one to do so. Arthur C. Clarke also has polyamorous characters in Rendezvous with Ramma. I also already mentioned Le Guin, whose society in The Left Hand of Darkness is pretty much open, with a race that experiences a mating season called kemmer in which the context determines the role and gender of the person in a sexual encounter.

Compared to modern depictions of non-monogamy, like in Martha Well’s All Systems Red, the first book in the Murderbot Diaries, or Becky Chambers’s To Be Taught, if Fortunate, it is possible to detect a transformation in the approach to the topic since the golden age era of the SF genre. And I think it says something about how we changed our expectations for the future in the last few decades.

The Muderbot series. Credit: Apple TV+.

In sci-fi stories from the late 1900s, non-monogamy was explored as a futuristic element. It was meant to be disruptive, a provoking narrative device, presenting a conceivable society very different from the one from the time these stories were written. 

Now, stories from the new millennium present different types of relationship arrangements not as some far-reaching characteristic of a remote society. It is ours; human! It is about representation, about accepting other people’s way of loving and exploring love.

From a disruptive narrative device to a detail in characterization, what do the changes in tone and presentation of non-monogamous relationships in science fiction say about society in general? Have we come closer to the futuristic scenario laid by renowned classic authors?

Yes and no. 

The fight of social movements for breaking unfounded discrimination has been successful, even if incrementally. So, in a way, we did get closer to a less prejudiced society. However, we can all agree that the fight is far from over.

The difference in tone and presentation of non-monogamy between older and newer stories is a consequence of the ever-evolving social context. One needs separate narrative tools to approach the same theme if the cultural backgrounds of the stories are different.

That’s the case with the exploration of relationship arrangements. Disruptive when we want traditions to be less restrictive, representative when we wish for a more open-minded society. Can you spot the difference? Non-monogamy remains controversial, but it is no longer the taboo it once was.

That is not to say that disruptive portrayals have completely vanished. It’s only that the boundaries have changed. For example, the Unity and Rick’s relationship in Rick and Morty pushes the idea of non-conventional relationships to new heights, something yet to be seen in human society. 

Rick and the Unity

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That’s it for today, folks!

Have any fictional stories caught your attention for its non-monogamy representation? I left a few popular examples out of this post, like the one featured in Sens8, but admittedly, I haven’t found many in my sci-fi exploration journey.

Let me know your favorites in the comments!

See you next post,

Ra

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Carla Ra is a scientist by day, sci-fi writer by night.

You can check out her flash fiction collectio SCI-FI WEEKATHON for FREE  here.